Yoga games your children will love!
The memories of practicing yoga together when they were young will flood your heart with warmth and gratitude.
βIt's a reminder that the little moments we spend together as a family can have a profound impact on shaping the future. Practicing yoga together as a family can be incredibly powerful. It's a great way to bond and spend quality time together. Not to mention, it's a space for open communication, trust-building, and shared experiences of mindfulness, relaxation and fun. Fun is what I want to talk about today.
In this post I will share the importance of fun, plus 3 yoga games your children will love. These games are ones that you can play at home or for the yoga teachers reading - ones you can play in class.
Children's Yoga Teachers - get 8 lesson plans for free!The importance of fun
As both adults and children, we all need a little fun in our lives. Incorporating fun into our daily routines has many benefits. It can make us happy, healthy, and even produce endorphins! When it comes to learning, having fun is much safer than a fearful environment. It helps us release stress, explore our emotions, and communicate with others. Plus, having fun with others teaches us mutual respect and helps us to build deeper connections. So why not join us and let's have some fun with some yoga games for children!
Yoga games your children will love!
Yogi says
I asked my children which games were their favourite ones to play at home and this one was number one. It is such a simple one and honestly, sometimes I forget about it because it is so simple but sometimes simple games are the best ones. How to play: 'Yogi' says an instruction and then the child or group do as Yogi says. If the instruction is given without βYogi saysβ at the beginning the children should not do the task. If they do, they must stand in mountain pose for three breaths before joining back in. I will usually start as 'Yogi' and then give my children a turn each. Here are some suggestions for what Yogi can say....
Memory game
This game requires either some yoga cards or you can draw up your own poses (even stick people will work). You will need about 6 cards. You can always increase or decrease this as you think best. If working with a deck of cards, I will either pick some out that we are working on that day/week or have the children pick out the cards. Once we have our cards, we place them in front of us (or in the middle when working in our circle with larger groups). We take a moment to look at the different poses. Then the children must look away or close their eyes while I take and hide one card. They must work out which card is missing and then instead of telling me, they show me the pose. We play a couple of rounds and then I let them have a turn of hiding a card.
Grumpy neighbour
This one was always a class favourite when I played it as 1,2,3 Tree but when I added in the element of a grumpy neighbour, it got even more giggles. While this one works best in large groups I have managed to play it with even just one of my children at a time. How to play: I will stand at one end of the room while the children stand on the other side. When my back is turned they can move towards me. If I am looking at them, they must stand in tree pose. We usually use the version of toes on the ground or a low tree (foot between ankle and knee). The aim is for them to get all the way to the other side and tap me on the shoulder, without getting caught moving! How I add the grumpy neighbour element is just by having this character really not wanting children in their garden , they only want to see trees. It can be really funny to play into this grumpy character, inspecting the trees to make sure they aren't actually children. I also love seeing the children take on this roll too. The playfulness really adds to the fun! Free MasterclassEnd note
There we have it! In this blog post we have spoke about the importance of fun and 3 games that will help you and your children to have more fun with yoga!
Which game will you be playing? Let me know in the comments! Other posts of interest:
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5 Poses to connect with your child on a deeper level
It's a feeling of being lost in the chaos of daily life, desperately searching for a way out. The good news is that there is a way out. It just takes some going back to basics, uncomplicating life and focusing on the here and now. If we allow ourselves to rest and have fun and play, even when the house is a mess, even when there is loads to do, we can come out of this rut of feeling disconnected and overwhelmed. I have not found the secret to keeping a tidy home with young children, but I have found a way to feel connected with my children, have fun with them and care for our well-being - even when life feels chaotic and there is so much to do! I want to share 5 of our favourite poses to practice together for more connection and quality time together. Let me know which ones you'll be practicing together! When we do poses together, it's like a team-building activity. We learn how to be gentle, kind, and respectful to each other. We even learn how to communicate and work together better, not just with words but non-verbally too. Caution: Practicing yoga can be a beneficial addition to one's physical and mental health routine. However, it is important to note that practicing yoga carries risks and individuals should obtain consent from their doctor before beginning any new physical activity if they are unsure of anything. The liability for any injuries incurred during yoga practice lies solely with the individual practicing or the adult caring for minors. It is important to listen to your own body and not push beyond your limits. In this video I explain a little more about how to practice each pose. I'm not demonstrating the poses - only talking about them. Take a look: here. Pose One: The Paddle BoatTo make a paddle boat lay down on your backs, joining your feet together. Press your feet together so that as you push your foot forward, their foot that is connecting to yours, moves back. All the while your other foot is moving back as their connecting foot pushes forward. Keep peddling! Pose Two: The Strong TreeStand side by side with your child and hug each other around the waist or shoulders. Lift one foot and rest it on your calf, thigh or toes on the ground with your heel resting on your opposite ankle. Join your free hand with theirs, pressing flat, open palms together. Breathe here for 3 to 5 breaths. When you're ready, switch to the other leg. Can you do it with your eyes closed? You got this! Pose Three: The Cheeky MonkeyThe parent/adult stands strong, focusing on grounding their feet in to the earth. The adult and child hold onto each others forearm/ wrist area. This allows for a greater grip than just holding hands. The child then starts to walk up the adults body until they are hanging upside down like a monkey. To get out of this pose your child can wrap their legs around your waist as pull them up for a hug. This can a tricky one to get in and out of so really just listen to your own bodies, play with the pose and make it work for you. Never do anything that doesn't feel safe for you or your child. Pose Four - The LadderThe adult lays down and has their hands up in front of them ready to support the child's ankles. The child brings their hands either side of the adults ankles and then lifts their legs one at a time and places them into the adult's hands. Child then holds a strong plank pose. Why it is called a ladder is because you can keep building onto this pose but I'd recommend only doing that in the guidance of a class with people their to act as spotters/catchers. Pose Five - Lizard on a rockThe adult comes into a child's pose, a version that is comfortable to them. It could be knees together, knees wide or supported with a bolster. The child then sits on the adults lower back and then slowly leans back into a laying position. It could definitely help to have another pair of hands to help guide this one, especially in the beginning. There we have it!5 Poses you can practice with your child for deeper connection. Just remember to focus on being together, communicating and playing around with these poses. Ask them what they would call the pose or if they have any ideas as an alternative. You could also try creating a story with these poses! For example, peddling the boat out to a desert island, finding a strong tree with a cheeky monkey. Having to climb a ladder to get the monkey a banana. Then having a rest in the lizard on a rock pose - You could call it sunbathing pose- at the end; Or maybe seeing a lizard on a rock and then coming into that pose. There are so many possibilities, try them in a different order even. Comment below if you and your child make up any fun stories using these poses, I want to hear them! More resources of interestThe Power of Movement: Our Family's Yoga AdventureHi there fellow parent! Do you ever feel like life is moving a million miles an hour and you just can't keep up? Well, our family found a solution that not only helps us slow down, but also brings us closer together - yoga! In this blog post, you'll learn:
The benefits of practicing yoga as a familyPracticing yoga as a family provides numerous benefits, such as enhancing the connection between family members, promoting self-care, improving overall well-being, and creating quality time together. Practicing together helps build trust and communication between family members, creating a strong sense of unity. Yoga also encourages self-care practices, such as mindfulness and stress reduction techniques, that can benefit both adults and children. Additionally, practicing yoga as a family can improve physical health, flexibility, and balance, leading to a healthier and more active lifestyle. Finally, it provides an opportunity to be really present together, allowing families to bond over a shared activity and create lasting memories. Tips for practicing yoga with kids of different agesPracticing yoga with children of different ages looks different for each age group, here I will share a few things to keep in mind when practicing with different age groups and then a few tips for practicing together with multiple children from different age groups. Ages 3 to 6I often hear that this age group can not possibly do yoga because they are just so full of energy! They absolutely can though, and they even enjoy the relaxing at the end! The trick is not to supress their energy, but use it! Be fun, be playful, use their imaginations to take you on journeys, pretend to be animals, make up stories with them and use props to help keep things visual and fun. This age group gets very easily distracted and you do find yourself moving very quickly from one thing to the next, Finding creative ways to hold their attention is key, such as playing with themes that really interest them, having a variety of games, and using visuals such as yoga cards for pose practice. Breathing practices often include 'smelling' and 'blowing'. Such as pretending to smell flowers, blowing on their imaginary hot chocolates or blowing pom poms across their mat. Ages 7 to 9 While this age group love to have fun and play games, they also like classes with a concept. They can start looking deeper at themes such as friendship, compassion and self-care, They start to go more into alignment of poses and focusing on their breath during practice. They can start to practice abdomen breathing and learn about how different breathing practices can help them in their life off the mat. They may love practicing partner poses and working with sequences rather than just a pose at a time. You can also teach more on variations of poses and using yoga props to help support them in their practice, focusing more on how each pose makes the feel. Still keep the games and the fun but it doesn't have to be quite so silly.....not all the time anyway! Ages 10 to 12Tweens have so much going on with hormone changes, school and social pressure, after-school activities and they may be thinking more about their body image. This age it is really important to follow their lead. What do they need to help them right now? Do they need an energizing practice or do they need a calming practice, maybe a mix of both? Do check ins where they can bring awareness to how they are feeling and their own energy levels. When practicing energizing practices be sure to do a good warm up and cool down. Teach them the why- why is this pose good for us? Why is this breathing practice helpful and when could they use it? Bring focus to self-love and self-care so that they can start to prioritize their well-being and build a positive body image. Practice poses that are challenging and require the children to trust themselves, show them ways that they can modify poses and fun transitions from one pose to another. TeenagersRelaxation is one of the most important things to teach this age group. They have so much going on and their minds can get so busy. It is important not to talk down on teenagers, I mean you shouldn't talk down on anyone but I guess I mean, talk to them as you would an adult in some regards because they often feel like they are that grown up and need to see that you respect them and are listening to them. You can practice challenging poses, longer sequences and talk about different muscle groups in each pose. You can have fun with games and partner poses still, it doesn't have to be all serious, in fact some teenagers would find it boring to just focus on the serious side, so you can still make it fun and find ways that engage your teens attention. Practicing with your children who are in different age groupsThe tips above can be used when practicing one to one, and can be taken into account when practicing with multiple children. Sometimes it will work better to practice one to one with your child - for instance if you have a teenager and a 3 year old. Finding an in-between there can be very difficult and the only way you'd be able to practice together would be very much led by what the 3 year old needs in the practice. If you have children that are closer in age such as tweens and teens or a 5 year old and an 8 year old, you can more easily meet in the middle. Younger children can often join in with the older practices with some guidance and older siblings can act as 'helpers' from time to time too. The main focus in family yoga is the interaction, being together and enjoying this beautiful practice. Fun and laughter is a great way to release stress and strengthen bonds, so get playful and enjoy! How yoga has strengthened our family bond and improved our overall well-beingYoga has been a game-changer for our family! My two kids, who usually can't sit still for more than five minutes, have been able to enjoy the practice including the relaxation elements. We practice together every week, and it has helped us to manage stress and conflicts in a way that brings us closer together. It's amazing how taking a few deep breaths and moving our bodies can reset our moods and attitudes. And let's be real, as parents, we need all the help we can get in that department! We've got our own yoga routines that incorporate fun games, pose practice and challenges that make us all laugh. We like to keep things fresh each week but also have some family favourites when it comes to games and activities. I can see how yoga is helping my children navigate big emotions and this is important. My 5 year old punched his toast of his plate today because the butter hadn't melted properly.... it's times like this we have to re-visit what we have practiced on the mat. It's a great way to bond and connect, and I highly recommend it to any other parents looking for a fun way to improve their family's well-being. Three fun poses to practice with your familyLeg baby The younger ones love this pose! Sit down in a cross legged position and then take your right foot in your left hand, with your right hand cradling the knee area and rock your little leg baby side to side. You can get really silly with this cuing at the baby or giving baby a kiss. And oh look, there's another baby! Switch sides to give that leg baby some attention. This pose is a good hip opener that can help with flexibility and releasing tension from the lower back. Slide Slide pose other wise known as reverse plank or upward plank pose is one that works great if you have a ball as a prop. To encourage children to hold the pose longer you see how many times you can roll the ball down the slide! To come into slide pose, first sit down with your legs in front of you. Place your hands a little behind your hips, with fingers pointing towards your toes. Breathe in as you lift your hips up as high as you can, tuck your chin in towards your chest or if it feels good to, you can bring your head back. Stay for 3 to 5 breaths (or seeing how many times someone else can roll the ball down, just don't forget to breathe too). Then lower back down on the exhale. This pose is great for physical strength especially arms, core, legs and back. It stretches out the front of the shoulders, the chest and the front of the ankles. Egg cup This pose is a challenging pose that can also lead up to more challenging poses so it is a great one to play with for older children. Egg cup pose is preparation for a tripod headstand. This pose should be avoided if child has asthma, ear or eye infections, neck/shoulder/elbow/wrist/knee or hip discomfort. As always with this practice, it's very important for each individual to listen to themselves and what feels good for their body. To come into this pose, first start on your hands and knees. Bring the crown of your head on the mat and place your hands on the earth below your head to make a triangle shape (your head and two hands forming the triangle).Find your balance here and then lift your hips up as if you were going into downward facing dog. Think of your bent elbows forming a kind of shelf. Walk your feet towards yourself and then bend one leg and place it on your 'shelf' - the elbow at the same side as your leg. Now bring the other leg on to your other elbow. Breathe here. To summarise, we have looked at some of the top benefits of practicing yoga with your child, how to practice with children of different ages, how yoga has helped my family plus 3 fun poses you can practice with your family this week. Looking for more support on your family yoga journey?Check out my upcoming Masterclass - Promoting Children's Well-being with Yoga and Mindfulness. In this free masterclass you will learn:
Other posts of interestSibling rivalry? Not with yoga! 10 reasons to practice togetherI was already practicing Yoga with the children, but I decided what if I really focused on using this practice to strengthen their connection, fill their emotional cup and help them communicate with each other better? Honestly, anything was worth a try and I was so happy when the plan I put together started to work! Instead of being a referee I was able to see them enjoying time together, working together as a team, and playing together nicely in a way that worked for their age gap. And like I always say - what we practice on the mat, we can bring off the mat. In this post I will share 10 reasons siblings should practice together plus 3 must know poses to practice together! 10 surprising benefits of Yoga for siblings!
Three poses for siblings to practice togetherPracticing partner poses together is a great way for children to bond, work together as a team, communicate both verbally and non verbally, and have some fun! Try these 3 fun poses together. Partner Boat Pose - Sit facing each other and hold hands. Place your feet together with bent knees. You may like to see if you can straighten the legs and lift them up to make a sail, or just keep them bent. You can also just practice doing one leg at a time. See how long you can hold the pose while laughing and encouraging each other. Breathing Buddies - Sit back to back and take deep breaths together. Imagine inhaling love and exhaling calm. Supported Camel Pose - Come down on to your knees, facing one another. Hold on to each others forearms so that you can support each other. Then start to lean away from each other from the upper body, taking your gaze up to the ceiling. Take it gently, and be sure to warm up the body before this one. When do your children get on the best with each other?What activities bring your children closer together? Comment below! Other posts of interest:Empowering Parenthood: Affirmations to Strengthen Your Bond with Your ChildSometimes I feel really rubbish in my parenting, I feel like I'm not doing enough, the kids are having too much screen time or I'm not doing as much as other families. Sometimes these thoughts come when I'm experiencing migraine, a pain flair up or am just exhausted. Days when I need to rest, and I need to do what I need to just to get through the day, but nevertheless my brain still pipes in with these negative thoughts. It can be really hard on these days, because as much as you may know it's not true, it still feels rubbish. In this post we will be looking at why affirmations can be useful as a parent, how to effectively use affirmations, how to transform affirmations to work for us, 10 affirmations for strengthening bonds with your child, and how to start using them. Using affirmations for empowered parentingWhen I started to use affirmations in my parenting, I felt huge relief. I was able to focus my mind on the positive words, tap into that empowered feeling and feel so much better about myself and my parenting. Instead of focusing on the bad and feeling completely helpless, I was able to focus on the good. I was able to strengthen my bonds with my children in those moments and beyond. How to use affirmations effectivelyOur brain wants to believe what we tell it. If we tell ourselves how bad we are at something, how stupid we are or that we are a bad parent - we start to believe it. Sometimes we don't even notice we are doing it (this is why self-awareness is so important). You can start using affirmations by writing them down and putting them on your mirror/ some place you'll see often, using them as passwords, using them in meditations or simply just repeating them to yourself when needed. You can include them in your journal, on your vision board or even practice mindful colouring of affirmations, I've seen some great books for this! Do affirmations always work?I like affirmations and they work for me but the ones that resonate with me, may not resonate with you. This is important because you need to be able to tap into the energy of an affirmation. If you feel like it is a complete lie, it is going to cause you more stress. Just like in Liar Liar when Jim Carrey was trying to say that the pen was red. He was trying to tell a lie but couldn't, he could only tell the truth - the pen is blue. If you don't believe what you are saying, it is going to be stressful! If this is the case, then you may need to build up towards that affirmation. Let's stick with this pen analogy. We can't say 'the pen is red.' even if it was red, we just don't believe that it is..... too confusing? Stick with me here. We could say 'May I start to see this pen as red.' We can feel a bit better about this right? This can work for times when we really don't believe that we are good enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, a good enough parent etc. In this case, it feels like a lie if we are to say 'I am good enough.' This is where I like to change 'I am' statements to 'May I see that I am' or 'I am learning to' or another way to change the statement to make it feel good. For example - I am beautiful. This could be a really difficult one for someone to repeat in front of a mirror or to themselves if they were having real body image issues. By repeating it to themselves over and over it could get very upsetting. Instead this person could say - 'I am learning to appreciate my beauty' or 'I am learning to love myself exactly how I am' or even 'My body is healthy and functions well.' So when choosing your affirmations, take a moment to notice how they make you feel. Do they make you feel empowered? Do they spark joy or confidence? Is it challenging to say? Can you re-word it in your own words to make it 'fit' better? 10 Affirmations to Strengthen Your Bond with Your Child
How will you practice yours?
SummaryIn this post we have looked at why affirmations can be useful as a parent, how to effectively use affirmations, how to transform affirmations to work for us, 10 affirmations for strengthening bonds with your child, and how to start using them. Strengthening bonds with YogaPracticing partner yoga poses with your child is a great way to strengthen the bond between you and your child. It allows you to connect with your child in a fun and playful way while also promoting physical activity and mindfulness. The shared experience of practicing yoga together can create a deeper sense of trust and understanding between you and your child, and help to bring you closer together. Sign up now for Partner Pose Playtime! A 40 minute class for you and your child to spend quality time together while caring for your well-being! Other Posts of interest:
5 poses for little superheroes Is my child too old for tantrums? Be an environmental superhero Be an environmental superhero!Teaching children important ways to care for the planet Happy Earth Day!On Earth day me and my family often take a moment to pause and reflect on how we can better care for the planet. While this is a great reminder to do so, it is important that the work doesn't stop there. Every day is a new opportunity to do something good for the planet. It may not feel like we are making much of a difference by doing a few seemingly small acts but if we are all doing it.... that makes a huge difference. Now we can't control what everyone else is doing, so we can only focus on what we are doing, but trust you are not alone. There are so many people that care about the planet and teaching children how they can care for the planet too will help them and future generations to come. 10 ways children can help protect the planet, reduce waste and live more peacefully with nature:
We only have one EarthIt is important for us to take action and care for the planet now because our actions have severe consequences on our environment not just for the well-being of future generations but the animals and plant life that are here right now. Climate change, pollution, and loss of biodiversity are just some of the issues that require immediate attention. By taking action now, we can help mitigate these problems and create a sustainable future for ourselves and for the planet. Yoga and the environmentAhimsa means doing no harm. Ahimsa is one element of Yoga that we can practice beyond the poses. This principle extends beyond just avoiding physical harm to others, but also includes nonviolence towards the environment. As humans, it is our responsibility to protect and preserve the natural world and its resources for future generations. By practicing ahimsa and caring for the environment, we can lead a more conscious and sustainable lifestyle that supports the well-being of all living beings. Earth WarriorsOne fun yoga game I love to play with the children is one I call "Earth Warriors".
How do you care for the planet?It can be so overwhelming trying to do all the things to protect the planet. I know for me I still have room for plenty of improvement. If you are feeling like this to, know that it is okay not to do ALL the things, just do what you can. Make a conscious effort to reduce waste and live a more eco friendly life and remember it doesn't have to be perfect, just do what you can. I'd love to know your best tips for reducing waste and living a more eco friendly life! Comment below > > Useful links for Earth Day
Practice with me this month>>It was an hour before a family yoga class outdoors that I was teaching for charity. I was so nervous. This was the only event on the schedule like this and all of the other classes were geared towards adults. I was nervous that I was doing something different and also that this was going to be my biggest class yet! It turned out to be an amazing class that is still talked about years later. It was funny because some adults turned up without their kids expecting one of the usual Yoga classes - the amazing thing was they still joined in! It was just such an amazing sense of community. My favourite part was all the adults making a tunnel (standing face to face with a gap between them and joining their hands together up high) and then the children going through the tunnel. Me and a few other helpers blew bubbles and we pretended it was a car wash. There were so many giggles! Children's yoga teachers may struggle with confidence due to various reasons such as lack of experience, fear of judgement, and self-doubt. However, these pain points can be transformed into confidence by focusing on their strengths, practicing self-care, and seeking support from peers and mentors. Even the most experienced Yoga teachers still have moments of imposter syndrome or wondering if they are good enough. By acknowledging their own growth and progress, setting achievable goals, and prioritizing their own well-being, kids yoga teachers can build the confidence needed to lead engaging and impactful classes for their young students. Whenever I was feeling nervous before a class, I would stop, breathe, and practice a few affirmations. In this post I want to share how you can make affirmations part of your daily routine, 10 powerful affirmations that you can practice and how practicing these affirmations will make you a more confident Yoga teacher. Make affirmations a daily habitMaking affirmations a part of your daily habit can help build confidence. Here are some tips to get started:
10 Affirmations to build confidence (for Children's Yoga teachers)
How can these affirmations make you a more confident Yoga teacher?Practicing affirmations can help you become a more confident yoga teacher by training your mind to focus on positive thoughts and beliefs. By regularly repeating affirmations such as "I am a skilled and effective yoga teacher" or "I am confident in my ability to guide my students," you can start to internalize these beliefs and feel more confident in your teaching abilities. Additionally, affirmations can help you cultivate a positive mindset, which can improve your overall well-being and ability to connect with your students. Which affirmation resonates with you?In this post we have looked at how you can start adding affirmations into your daily routine, some powerful affirmations to use and why it can help you to become a more confident teacher. I would love to know, which affirmation resonated the most for you? Which will you be using? Maybe you have your own! Share below in the comments!
Looking for a Done for you lesson plans to save you time and energy? Check out this Free 8 week Lesson schedule for Children's Yoga Teachers! Want to practice Yoga with kids at home, looking to have some fun and enjoy Yoga together?? Join The Superhero Challenge! 5 Yoga poses for little superheroesThemes
Bringing themes in to our yoga practices with children can be such a good way to keep them engaged and get clear on our intention.
When I think about super heroes and how we can use this theme in relation to Yoga, I think about ways that we can remind our children how super they are and help them to build confidence. I think about power poses that help us to take up space (Highly recommend the ted talk by Amy Cuddy about body language >> watch here). I think about ways we can be superheroes by making a difference in someone's day or helping to protect the planet by caring for the environment. I think about what talents we each have as individuals and what makes us super. And I think about building strength, awareness and being able to relax. It is just one theme, but there is so much that you can do with it! In this post, I'll be sharing with you 5 poses for your little superhero that you can practice at home! (Teachers may also like to bring this theme into their classes). Pose One: Listening
Pose two: Balance
Pose three: Low flying
Pose Four: Let's Fly!Pose five rest
Have you joined the Superhero Challenge?
Join me for a Free Superhero Challenge that will be taking place over 3 days. We will have practices for children to practice alongside their adult, live mindfulness sessions and chance for Q&A, prizes to give away and lots of fun and connection!
This Challenge will take you from unsure how to practice with your child, to having loads of fun, being present and connecting in this playful way! Who is your favourite Superhero?
Comment below!
More posts you may like:
Yoga for your superhero Lesson plan - Poses that can fly βIs your child too old for tantrums? Is your child too old for tantrums?
While we can see times are changing, the mentality around how children should behave is still very old fashioned. In the last 10-20 years alone science has come so far in helping us to understand our child's brain development and yet we still get triggered when kids act like kids.
In this post we will look at why kids behaviour is triggering for us, what age do tantrums stop, how offering a do-over can benefit the family and how to help your child tune into how they are feeling to prevent tantrums. Why does kids acting like kids trigger us?
I was sat in a cafe' once with my baby and my young child, maybe 5 at the time. Baby was sleeping so me and my 5 year old were having a nice time together, having hot chocolate and playing with these two beautiful wooden cars. When we were packing up to go, an elder man leaned in and said "You should write a book, your children are so well behaved." I was delighted by this, it felt good.
Then the baby got older..... he started losing his mind at cafes and days out and no matter how calm I stayed, no one came over and said I should write a book. Instead looks of pity, expectant looks to see how I was going to put him in his place, looks of judgement and then of course every now and then a look of 'been there'. It is easy to see how we have been programmed to believe that a child's behaviour is a reflection on our parenting. How many times have you heard about a teenager up to no good and heard "Where are their parents?!". When we think about a child's behaviour as a reflection of us, instead of tuning in to what is really going on, we miss an opportunity to support our child. It becomes about us, instead of about them. They are not giving you a hard time, they are having a hard time. I think this quote is so important. When a child is 'acting out' or having a tantrum or a melt down, we have to remember it is not about us, we have to let that go in order to be present with them and connect with what they need. Are tantrums just for toddlers?
I'm not proud to admit this but I have stormed off from my kids in a huff, slammed a door and had my own little tantrum. I caught myself doing this before and after I actually laughed, and said to myself "What are you doing?". It felt ridiculous but I was just so overwhelmed, overstimulated, probably over tired and it just happened! Our nervous systems react before our brain. If our nervous system feels under attack in any way or unsafe, it sends signals to the brain and the brain will back it up. The brain says yes, you are right, this is trouble, get out of here!
That is our flight mode. You may have heard the term fight of flight or fight, flight, freeze. What this is, is our sympathetic nervous system keeping us safe. Very helpful when we are in danger, not so helpful when it thinks your kids are the danger. If this can happen to adults, then of course it can happen to children of any age. The trick is knowing how to calm yourself, catch yourself in that moment. This takes practice and they're not going to get it right every time, just like I didn't get it right this time with slamming a door. I know plenty of adults who have tantrums and do not know how to come back from it. They stay stuck for ages. 'One thing' (most likely a series of things that led up to this in the background) can seemingly ruin the whole day. Their nervous system is stuck in fight or flight (more on that in a moment) and they are not having a good time. One example of this is Nina. Nina is a mum of three and she took her kids to the zoo. After being triggered by her children whining about ice-cream and not wanting to walk any more, needing to be carried, and one kid just kept wondering off and not listening she snapped. Her nervous system could not take any more. She shouted at the kids and said they are leaving right this moment. The kids cried, she felt burning red and dragged the kids out of the Zoo as quickly as possible. When they got home and she had calmed down a bit, she felt this awful pang of guilt, the whole day had been ruined. A calmer Nina, may have been able to address the children's behaviour and went on to have a nice day full of connection, but a dysregulated adult can not help a child to regulate. So what did I do? The laughter helped bring me back to the present for a moment, and then I knew I had to calm my nervous system down. I find the best way to do this is through the breath. I connected back to breath. Taking a slow breath in through the nose, and out through the mouth. I did this five times. Then I picked myself up off the floor, opened the door and went back to my kids who were happily playing (probably instead of going to bed, I can't remember what my tantrum was all about but it was likely that they just weren't listening). I apologize to my children where I need to, if I've shouted or said anything that 'calm me' would never say. Now is a time for a do-over. What is a do-over?
Do-overs are something I practice with the kids, and I also need one myself sometimes. It is not fair for me to have a do-over but never let them have one, right? There is a very common power dynamic that plays out in the traditional family model of parents being able to do and say what they want with no repercussions and if children say something out of line or act a certain way, they get punished. I'm not a fan of that. I like to practice mutual respect with my children, they are not afraid to call me out if they can see I need to go and take a few breaths. They don't live in fear of me, instead we work together as a team. This doesn't mean they agree with me 100% of the time. Far from it. I still say no and hold boundaries and rules, but it does mean that they are comfortable expressing themselves, sharing how they feel and telling me if they don't like something. There is open communication.
A do-over allows us to rewind the situation and play out a better way. In a do-over we are more aware about our emotional state and what we are needing to express. It allows for better communication (verbal and non-verbal) and a chance for connection. If adults have tantrums, does that mean there is no hope of my child stopping?
We have spoke about why our body suddenly goes into tantrum mode as adults even, but with children they are still developing. Their brain will not be fully developed until they are in their mid 20s! Understanding this development helps us to stay calm. I think one reason we get triggered is because we feel like maybe they are manipulating us or just trying to get their own way. When we see that isn't the case and just stories we have heard or that have been passed down to us, we can stop buying into that and focus instead on connection.
With practice of self-awareness and self-regulation tools, children may be able to calm themselves or express themselves differently than a tantrum but sometimes they wont. Sometimes that tantrum is going to help move some of that pent up stress and emotions through the body. So it is not a bad thing, it just is what it is. How can you support a child who tantrums a lot?
I have a guide book that goes into this in much greater detail. It has some coping strategies, some life changing tips for the parent and some Yoga and mindfulness practices that will help your child too.
You can get your copy here : Calm seas
In summary, we have looked at why kids behaviour is triggering for us, why tantrums are for any age, how offering a do-over can benefit the family and how self-awareness can help your child tune into how they are feeling to prevent tantrums. We have also looked at why your child having tantrums is not a reflection on you, and why you should focus on connection over how you think they should behave.
How do you feel when your child of any age, has a tantrum? Do you take it personally by saying something like "I've spoilt you rotten today, why are you treating me like this?" or do you feel flustered at not being able to calm them? Maybe you feel something completely different. Comment below. How Yoga can help your Family with change of routinesWhen I first typed the title of this blog I had written 'How Yoga can help your child with change of routines' but I quickly realised that actually what I was going to write was going to be more focused around you and your child. In this post I will share why the thought of the holidays used to stress me out, why it can be hard for children and grownups, how lockdown actually helped me out of this rut, being bored vs planned activities, how Yoga can help bring some calm and balance in this time and also how themes might be just what you need to inspire some play! Holidays are stressful! I can remember the thought of the school holidays would have me feeling stressed. It wasn't that I didn't love spending time with my children, it was just the change of routine would change everything. I have my own little routines that I get on with when the children are at school, like many parents (be it work, chores or even some much needed self-care time). When the children are home, it can feel more challenging to get these things done or you may feel guilty because you feel you should be spending time with them instead, or doing something super fun like Jake's parents who are taking him to a castle and having a yummy lunch together (you know because you saw all the pictures on social media). That comparison kicks in and suddenly what you are doing, doesn't feel like enough. This can lead to so much stress, resentment, feelings of not being good enough, and sadness. For children, change of routine might feel great at first, they love having time off from school but unless there is something planned for the day they can start getting bored, irritable, watching way too much tv and then getting annoyed when it's time to turn it off, they don't want to get dressed and sometimes it's 3pm and you just just realised that they haven't brushed their teeth yet. On a school morning they have a set routine and order of doing things, they always get their teeth brushed and dressed no bother. This change of morning routine may feel great, you get to slow down a bit but it can quickly turn to frustration. I love slow mornings, they can be amazing at the weekend but when we have a week or two week off school, this slow routine does not work for us everyday. Suddenly there would be arguments because one child wanted to stay home in their pyjamas and the other wanted to go out and do something. I wouldn't be able to get any work done because they were restless and wanted my attention. Then when it came time to go back to school, they would be so resistant to getting up in the morning or even going to bed at a decent time. There were many mood swings and tantrums and everyone was struggling with this change of routine, and the going back to the normal routine. How Lockdown turned this aroundIt was actually lockdown that helped us get out of this rut when it came to school holidays. Being almost forced to stay home, no school, no fun days out (in the sense of going to the cinema or swimming etc), really made me consider what the best way to make this work for everyone. I no longer had to worry about comparisons or what I 'should' be doing, the main thing was keeping us safe and the kids happy. In this time we learnt:
Why do we find change of routine so hard?I get decision making fatigue, where making another decision is just so much effort. This can be deciding what to do for dinner, deciding what to do for the day or even just choosing between folding the washing now or later. It is amazing how many little decisions we have to make each day as parents. Sometimes routines are our comfort zones, we know what to expect and when to expect it. This can have a calming effect on our nervous systems and our minds. It takes away the decision making element because we know that we are doing it. We don't need to decide whether to brush our teeth or not, we just do it. This is actually something I learned in a book by Dana K. White called 'How to Mange your home without losing your mind'. In this book Dana K. White wrote about 'just doing the damn dishes'. This is something I hear in my head every time I think about leaving the sink full of dishes. Just do them. I don't know why it helps but not having to make the decision at the end of a long day, and just having it as part of my routine, actually helps! I think children feel this decision making fatigue a bit too. Usually the day is mapped out to an extent, but with nothing in place and so much they could do, they have no idea what to choose to do! They start getting stressed, dysregulated and don't know what to expect next. Boredom vs plannedSo should we plan out the holidays in its entirety? No. I think routines and plans are great but I also feel there is such value in letting kids be bored. How many great adventures have been created with a cardboard box because of a bored kids imagination? Imagination can thrive when we let our kid be bored away from screens. Ours too! I don't think you need to plan out your day in a strict schedule to represent the normal school week. I think there can be real joy in slowing down and being bored sometimes and having pyjama days but it has to be intentional. There are ways you can spend the day slowing down that isn't just hoping the kids will think of something to do. I will talk about a few ways we find helpful in a moment. Living in the 'shoulds'If you need a day to slow down, not get dressed and just take it easy - own that. Don't spend the whole day thinking I should do this and I should do that, and the kids should be doing this....etc etc If you live in the 'shoulds'........it's not going to be a restful day. It's going to feel like a day of procrastination and stress. It will feel like you've done nothing but also like you haven't rested. How can Yoga help with change of routines?Change of routines can be stressful for the whole family. If we take time to check in with how we are doing and also take time to nurture our nervous system and bring some peace and balance into the body, it can help us in times of stress. We can take intentional time for ourselves, or to be together through Family Yoga. Yoga can also be a great part of both morning and evening routines. This can be a constant, something that doesn't change because of the holidays. It can be part of your bedtime routines during the school week and on the school break. And I'm not talking about an hour or even half hour. It could be as little as 5 minutes. Having this time with your family can really help in times of stress but also to help build resilience to stress. Having these routines to wake up to and end the day with will help you and your child to navigate whatever the day throws at you. When is the last time you stopped and took a breath with your child? If it was recently, think about how that felt. If it has been a while, try it out next time you are putting them to bed. Hold hands, hug or just sit facing each other and just take 3 slow breaths. Try it again, the next night and the next night. It can be this easy to add a little mindfulness into your bedtime. Themed daysIf you have ever been to my Yoga classes or followed me on social media, you will know that I love working with themes! Themes can be a great way to get imaginative with your time together. Pick a theme for each day or even the week and see what fun you can have based around that theme. You may already have your own such as movie nights on a friday or taco tuesday - those definitely count as a theme! Here are a few examples: Mindful Monday - This serves as a great reminder to add some mindfulness into your day and is a great way to start the week. Kind Tuesday - How can you add more kindness into your day today? Space Wednesday - Learn about space together, practice space themed Yoga, and make those cool space Angel Delight desserts - yum! Thurs-Play - A day full of play! This could be playing board games, yoga games, and even adding play into everyday activities like having dinner. You could set up your very own restaurant at home. Dress up Friday - Can you be superheroes today or maybe a Prince or Princess? Maybe you create your own fun costume? Or let the kids choose your outfit and you have to wear it all day, even if you're going out ;) What ever your theme you could include games, yoga practices, mindful activities, arts and crafts, walks outside or a day out that ties into the theme (maybe a to a museum or park). You don't have to stick to the theme all day of course it just might inspire some fun ideas from you and the children. Having themes can help with the structure of your day but still keep some spontaneity. Including Yoga can help with having fun together while calming the nervous system, and including mindfulness can help you all to stay present and check in with how you are each doing emotionally. Talking of themes!Something fun is on it's way!! I will be sharing more details next week! Comment Below:In this post we have looked at why the holidays can be stressful for the family and looked at some ways we can bring some calm, balance and fun to our days. Quality time together doesn't have to mean spending loads of money, all you need is a bit of imagination and most importantly connection.
What is your biggest struggle when it comes to changes of routine during school breaks? |
AuthorNatasha Bryant Archives
May 2023
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